"Hollywood Boulevard at its best . . . in the dark. Johnny Spicer Investigations is in the tall building on the left, the First National Bank at Hollywood and Highland. The area with the trees just this side of it is the Hollywood Hotel."

"RKO at Melrose and Gower, one of the places where they still make movies in this town. RKO makes pretty good movies, too, especially since Joe Kennedy took it on the lam and Howard Hughes bought the place."

"Yeah, I've got one of those. Most of the time I use it for a door stop."

"Joints on the Strip, like the Casanova Club, come and go all the time. The minute one goes bust, another den of inequity shows up across the street to take its place."

"Sister Aimee Semple McPherson arrived in the early 1920s to show us sinners the way through the Pearly Gates. Her personal route was a drug overdose in 1944 . . . accidental, of course."

"The Angel's Flight funicular railroad only takes you part way to Heaven . . . just to the top of Bunker Hill. You're on your own from there."

"In these parts they call it Santa Monica Boulevard. Go the wrong direction and you end up in Chicago--the same corruption without the ocean beach."

"Hollywood Boulevard, the neon nightmare."

"The Mulholland Dam and the damn sign. That puddle behind the dam is Lake Hollywood after the frogs drank a lot of beer."

"The Hollywood Hotel is across Highland from my office. The grand old lady is lookin' a little worn around the edges. Word is they're going to close it soon, but they've been saying that for as long as I can remember."

"They call the Capitol Records Tower on Vine 'the house that Nat built.' That's largely because a long list of best selling Nat 'King' Cole hits put the company back in the black and on the map."

"The concrete Sixth Street Bridge over the concrete Los Angeles River."

"Whenever one of Warner's actors gets too big for his or her britches and makes demands on Jack, he simply points out his office window and reminds them whose name is on the water tower. That usually settles the matter."

"The Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway's crack Super Chief streamliner between Chicago and LA is called the 'train of the stars.' Well, Santa Fe calls it that."

"The famous Santa Monica Pier sign. The sign is more famous than the pier, but it's a great place for dips to find unsuspecting tourists with fat wallets."

"In case you're wondering, the Hollywood Roosevelt was named for Teddy, not cousin Franklin. I've heard it said you can see that neon sign on the roof in Bakersfield. You can't, but it makes a good story."

"You just wait. Sooner or later the city or the county or both are going to get stuck with the bill for repairing that eyesore."

"Yeah, there really is a Barney's Beanery. In fact it's been here on Route 66 in West Hollywood since 1920, and what you've heard about the sign Barney put up behind the bar is true. Barney's also has the best waitresses and the coldest beer in town."

"In the forecourt at Grauman's Chinese you can try on the foot and hand prints of the most famous stars in the movie business. I wouldn't do it, though. Some of them probably have Athlete's Foot. Try on Jimmy Durante's nose print instead."

"To set the record straight, the first members of the Hollywood Athletic Club after it was founded in 1924 were Charlie Chaplin, C. B. De Mille, Rudolph Valentino, Bela Lugosi, Errol Flynn, John Wayne, Cornel Wilde, Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, Johnny Weissmuller, Walt Disney, John Ford, Douglas Fairbanks (Jr & Sr), Frances X. Bushman, Howard Hughes, Gilbert Roland, Buster Crabbe, Tyrone Power, John Barrymore, and Groucho Marx. Original female members included Mary Pickford, Jean Harlow, Joan Crawford, and Mae West. Everything else you've heard about the club is probably true."

"Pasadena's 'Suicide Bridge' and the Rose Bowl are the top tourist attractions in the City of Roses. The bridge carries cars over Arroyo Seco and folks who've lost all hope to oblivion."

"Griffith Observatory up in the Hollywood Hills. The world looks a lot better from up there."

"Union Station welcomes tourists to sunny California."

"The famous intersection of Hollywood and Vine. Makes you want to run right out and get a ticket on the next westbound train, doesn't it?"

"They tell me there are places in this country where folks actually turn off the lights and go to sleep at night. Sounds kind of dull."

"These guys probably used to be private eyes before they decided to try making an honest living."

"Never let it be said Hollywood doesn't know how to bury its dead. Hollywood Memorial is an unofficial competition to see who can create a final resting place for their dearly departed that is grander and gaudier than the final resting place of anyone else's dearly departed. Hell, even Toto the pup from The Wizard of Oz has a memorial here!"

"On Vine Street even hash houses get the neon treatment. This joint belongs to Tom Brenneman. He hosts a morning radio show from his restaurant. Everybody's got a gimmick."

"It may not be as fancy as Tom Brenneman's joint, but there's no question about what you can get inside (heartburn)."

"Not to be outdone by joints like the Chili Bowl, this Tail O' The Pup hot dog stand also leaves little doubt about what's on the Bill O' Fare."

"Los Angeles Plaza, or as it's better known, Olvera Street, is about all that remains of the old pueblo. Given the town's early reputation, that's probably a good thing."

"If the Mexicans get a part of town all their own, the Chinese want one, too. It ain't gonna stop there, folks."

"Christmas is extra special in Hollywood. It's when Tinsel Town is actually supposed to have tinsel, and that commodity is always plentiful at the annual Hollywood Boulevard Santa Claus Lane Parade."

"In 1919 Musso & Frank Grill was the only restaurant in town, which also made it the best restaurant in town. Today Musso & Frank have a lot of competition, but they're still one of the best eateries in town."

"The Pacific Electric Red Car trundles along Highland Avenue. When it rattles under my office window, I know all is still right with the world."

"In the beginning it was a quiet little place called Daisy Dell. Now it's the Hollywood Bowl and it's anything but quiet. This is where culture lives in Tinsel Town."

"The Hollywood Freeway climbing the Cahuenga Pass. This strip of concrete was going to eliminate traffic jams in LA. You can see how well that's going."

"Los Angeles is easier to understand from where Mulholland Drive winds along the crest of the Santa Monica Mountains north of the city. Put the top down on your Ford, pick up your best girl, and go see the sights."

"The weather scientists call it the 'marine layer.' The rest of us just call it 'fog.' It helps keep things cool during the day and softens the city's sharp edges at night."

"The City Fathers light up City Hall like this every New Year's Eve to give the people hope for the future. Some New Year's the lights will be off and we'll know the big dream is over."